Getting to know people

Admittedly I will tell you that for the past while I have been fairly lonely, not for male companionship mind you but someone besides my family to which I can talk to. Has anyone else felt this way? Surely someone must have, but again most of you have more friends then you know what to do with as well. I have never really been quick to jump at the opportunity to make a friend, I usually let people seek me out, which usually happens, I'm not threatening, around 5'5 and not fat but not slight either, with the biggest round glasses you have ever seen. They make me look comforting, like hot chocolate I guess.

But I fear being of the amiable nature to which I have been predisposed, and the patience to listen to stories, and the natural inclination to take peoples minds away from what is bugging them if there is nothing to be done about it, I think I make a good friend. But I have not been in any sort of mood, or crowd to gain new people in my life. The ones that I know here in my home town have for the most part gone away for school, or I just never see them anymore (the dire affects of having to graduate). While I was going to school I met people I would consider friends, actually quite a few even if I was never really there besides in class, and even then only half the time.

But since I moved home I've only seen one of them again though I've talked to one of them every now and again to see how he is holding up. It has been a long time since I have sought friendship over the internet (and I know you are gasping) but today I started chatting to one of the people I roleplay with (and not in the cyber sex way, I don't have any of those friends, thank the gods). I was a little unsure and extremely curious about this person because they were exceptional when it came to writing and I felt my own powers slightly inferior (and I do recognize the fact that I have but as the starting word for more then one paragraph). So I ambled on about numerous things, learning the trivial things like her sign and then I couldn't help myself from asking some of the deeper questions and found that she asked a few in return.

We broke from the chat when I went to the gym to do cardio and visit my mother at work, and when I came back she was mad at someone and I listened to her carefully and said all the things I felt where appropriate, though I never really give advice to people when I don't really know them. She was upset but the fact was slightly old and I let her rave and when it came time I talked about other things, where I'm from, and the weather for the most part and it left me wondering. Did I make a new friend, I would like to think so because normally I don't really talk a lot over msn but I found that I damn near babbled on to her, which I made amends to. To anyone whose every met me online they will know me for a very apologetic person though in RL I tend to grudge, well not really but sometimes.

Did I make a difference in this persons life? If I have done one thing I hope I cheered her up a littler and when you think about it wanting to do that for someone you have never seen, it is a strange feeling. And it is hard to understand emotion over the internet but even if my company has helped a little I will feel the better for it. And in my attempts for friendship did I push to much and maybe make a little bit of a fool of myself? I hope so! Well not entirely but you get the idea.

So this has left me in a reflective mood, considering the structures of the human world, once again. And the truth has come to me... I need to get a life outside of the computer... Well maybe anyways. What do you guys think? Ah don't answer that, I think I know my life has changed, and not because of today either, I am terrified that I will never find my "true calling" but there's only one way to start, he surgery got me away from my last job, but a new one would do me good. There are a couple barn help ads in the paper, and as always spruce meadows is hiring though if I were to be a groom there I would have to live there as well, which might turn out to be a good thing for me. Working with animals may not sound like the best way to get in contact with people but its a beginning.

I think it is with a little reluctance that I must admit my stepfather offered me a job, it would be good money, I wuold make over 150.00 a day, but it would require around 3 hours or more of driving a day for work I wouldn't care for, working for a man who offered me a job because he needed it filled and he didn't think I would find a job on my own. It hurts the pride a little but I have to tell myself the truth, I can not rely on my mother forever, and I loved living on my own when I did it, but I became on of the boomerang people, that my sociology teacher talked about, alas but I cannot change it now, but I can get ready to go out on my own once more.